I served as a male counselor for Life Services Clinics of Spokane back in the day. I got to coach young men on what it meant to be a dad and how to support the mother-to-be in their lives.
I came across one of the articles we used to help coach parents of young people. I thought it might be relevant to start a conversation today.
I’d like to hear your thoughts:
1. Be open and honest; if we approach it rather shyly and embarrassed, we send confusing messages and indicate that we are unsure about what we are trying to get across.
2. Take time for your own healing; If you have something in your past that you have not dealt with, be sure that your pain does not impact how you speak to your teen.
3. Start early; Don’t wait to have “the talk” with them until it is too late. Often, this discussion starts with just talking with them about goals and dreams.
4. Ask open-ended questions; avoid asking only yes/no type questions or telling them your point(s). This gives them the opportunity to describe to you their experiences or, hopefully, ask their questions. When we ask yes/no type questions, it gives the feeling of an interrogation, and answers may be fabricated, or adjusted to avoid self-incrimination or a long drawn out lecture. We add a conversational tone when we ask: What do you think about ___? or, Have you heard about ___?
5. Be available; if they want to talk to you about some things when it is a bad time for you or you want to prepare yourself, ask if you can catch back up with them at a specific time in the very near future. Kids understand that it’s not always a great time to talk, but they also don’t want to be put off. Explain why you’re waiting; if it was a hard day at work, and you want to shift gears or relax a bit, tell them that’s why you want to wait.
6. Get involved with them; establish a relationship far before you want to correct them on an issue. I realize you have been their parent for a few years, but do you know what they are like? What are their preferences? What kind of music do they listen to? What game are they into, and what system do they use? What are their friends like? Even though they may be connected with a good group or even in a Christian environment, are they apt to experiment with what you are trying to protect them from? As a parent, our role is to prepare them to face/handle the world independently, not necessarily control their actions.
7. Give them room; don’t bombard them or shame them into making the decision to remain sexually pure. They need to take ownership of this decision. Sex is a beautiful thing for them to experience later in life, when they get married, and it is OK for us to tell them this!
8. Be ready for some shocking news; don’t overreact. Our reaction might cause a child to withdraw and be reluctant to share again. Kids are more open about sexual matters than you ever dreamed about.
9. Don’t be afraid to be a parent; This often means you have to say no! If you set rules now, your teen will respect you for them. You might consider practicing family responses when your teen gets in situations they don’t know how to handle (unexpected parties, friendships, or even dates gone wrong).
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.